Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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