I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
