omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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