I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
