You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
