i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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