Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
