Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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