Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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