She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
