Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
