he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
