just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's like heaven, but drunker
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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