Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
