Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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