Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
