Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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