There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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