I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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