he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
