I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
