You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
