Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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