When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
