I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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