I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
