the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
