please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
