I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
