This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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