I want to walk on stilts...naked
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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