Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
