U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
