tell your sister to shave her snatch
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
