made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
