I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
