I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
