you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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