I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
