the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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