so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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