Please, let me fuck your mom
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
