we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
