You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
