Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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