you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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