I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
