Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
