Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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