Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
