now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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