its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
