Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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