Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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