i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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