How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
