Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
