i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
