so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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