just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
