At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
