Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
