genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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