I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
