Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
