yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
