I feel great
I just peed on a car
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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