i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
