i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
