turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
