I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The best revenge is premature balding
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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