U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
