I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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