Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
