I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
