I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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