oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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