She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
