This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
