the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
