so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
